What Consumes You?

What is life like when your mind isn’t consumed with thoughts that disconnect you from yourself? What does it feel like to breathe without an ache? I am truly yearning for that feeling. I want to connect with myself so badly, I want to feel light and continue to grow through life effortlessly. I want to be able to feel free from trauma and worries. My entire life I’ve felt like I’ve been carrying the weight of my family emotions on my shoulders. It’s terrible that I continue to babysit my families mental state, I literally feel like their therapists sometimes. My problem is that I am waiting for them to get better so that Incan move on and I know I am making the biggest mistake of my life doing this. Sometimes I don’t want to deal My my own emotions because I feel like a burden to myself and I know it will physically make me sick to the point I will not leave my own nor my bed. I want to be “Sad Girl” free for once in my life. I’m not saying I’m never happy, I’m saying I want to learn to deal with this in a healthy way. I want peace of mind and I want to help others around me reach that point as well.

5 Comments

  1. Is your family ill? Or just screwed up 😄? I mean, are you telling us that you cannot leave because they need you for their health, that you take care of them, or are you saying that the fam dynamic is weird and stressful?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, just very stressful to be around. I always feel like I need to be there to comfort them through this horrible time they’re having. Technically they’re mentally ill, which is also why I find it hard to just live my life without them in the back of my head 24/7. The dynamic is definitely stressful and it is extremely hard for me to watch them struggle. But! I know what they’re going through can easily be avoided but still, I am there on my hands and knees making sure they’re set. I plan to move to Chicago next year and I’m having anxiety leaving my mom and sister here alone to reck each other.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry; it sounds like a difficult situation. But sometimes we have to get away and get ourselves sane first in order to help other people. And I think sometimes, especially with family, we get to a point where we realize that they aren’t going to change. But that’s just another reason why we might have to get away , to find our own sanity and figure out a healthy way of dealing with them in a loving way. Good luck to you.

        Liked by 1 person

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