Fear

Fear

Speak to me without fear

Let me know you’re speaking with a clear mind

We can’t keep breaking each other down with words that hit like thick whips,

Ducking when I here that clip

wounds left open, blood seeping through our clothes

Leaving reminders why we shouldn’t do this anymore

Leaving pain

Scars reminding me daily how toxic this is

Speak to me without fear

Think before you speak, rather

Express your hurt through words that doesn’t leave me permanently critical

why you gotta be so cynical?

Leaving me useless, because that’s how you make me feel

I look in the mirror sometimes and see the hurt you want me to be

You don’t realize the words you speak match my frequency

Speak to me without fear

Tell me how you really feel

Let’s move some mountains til the coast is clear

Finally feeling weightless and gaining so much patience

You speak with so much power in your lungs

I finally understand what you’ve been saying

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Dunkirk

Dunkirk

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I hate you, but I love you.

Not enough to disturb my peace I have created within.

I love me more,

But you’re always here,

Just arms length; stretching as far as they can.

The thought of you beside me makes my blood boil and evaporate just by your touch.

You say my words cut deep; pulling them out your eyes and arms

We love this game we play.

Always ends in fire and burnt bridges,

But you always find a away back just to see me in pain

This time only you came back to where we left off…

 

Almost There

Almost There

Trust the process

Protect it with each finger working as shields

One day this stress will become a lesson

Eventually, that lesson will be apart of your life’s journey

we often get stuck because we think we are lost, just keep moving

Falling too hard on your face

Leaving a scar only a mother could love

Don’t let it define you

Let it inspire you

Branch out, far and wide. Spread your wings

Let your past be your motivation

Your past does not define you

We are all problematic; we are not perfect

Never will be

Accept that your path may be rough and others are not so much

Find a way to incorporate those adversities in your everyday life

Blessing on the way, love

Trust your process

The Art of Letting Go

The Art of Letting Go

Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself. I’ve begun to acknowledge the words I put into the universe; it always seems to come back 10x depending on what you put out. I’ve been extremely vulnerable these past few months and it’s taken me back a bit. I’m so raw and honest about my emotions and my position in life right now that I feel as though people are walking away. It’s really sad because I care for these people so much, but the reciprocation is nonexistent. I love and care for myself as well as them so much that I am allowing these beings to be set free from me. It hurts to see them slowing disappearing, but I know it is vital that I let go. In order for me to continue flourishing, I must do what feels right for all parties. Letting go and evolving into the woman I hope to be. Love yourself endlessly so that no one else feels they have to.

Deprived

Deprived

Tracing your shoulders and clavicles with the tip of my fingers

Sending chills down your thighs

Watching your eyes roll back

Watching you bite your bottom lip

Wishing It was between my lips instead

Imagining what flavor you’ll have lingering on my lips when you’re away

Hoping this time you won’t be gone too long

Having to find the words every time we meet-to having a hard time finding your panties

I like when you leave them here; a souvenir

It reminds me how wet my fingers were when I slid them down

The time it took to get you here doesn’t compare to the work I put in when you wore my favorite dress

Caressing your body, making you feel at home before you dip

Before you leave, don’t

I wish you could stay longer,

Staying longer means more work

So I let you cum when she got you stressed

YOU

YOU

Even though you are sad a lot

I look at you and smile

You are the most beautiful person I have ever known

Your heart is so big

You love the people that are in your life to the fullest

Your worst days are actually your best days

You walk through life like it’s your last

You appreciate the small things in life

The people in your life genuinely care for you and love you

Life isn’t always easy, but you live for the hard days

The days that challenge you the most

The days that push you out of your comfort zone

Nothing comes easy, but you’d rather work for it anyway

You pray for others more than you pray for yourself

Waking up is enough to be happy about for you

Seeing your family happy enough to live on

You acknowledge how special and beneficial you are to this earth

You serve a purpose

You simply, love

I am so happy to be you

Living with Anxiety

Living with Anxiety

Living with anxiety is like being disheveled in the grocery store line when the cashier hands you your change because you fear you’re taking too long. So instead of taking a breather and relax; I drop all of the coins on the floor trying to juggle the receipt, the coins, and my ten dollar bill. Living with anxiety is like crawling into bed and finally closing your eyes, but then the thought of your baby sister falling out of a window and you find yourself crying because it felt incredibly real. This happens to me a lot actually and it really sucks; sometimes I have to take drugs (sleeping medicine) to get myself to sleep when those days sneak up on me. The fear of driving because there are people watching you and waiting for you to fail, but you tell yourself to stay strong. Driving used to exhaust me to the point where I literally have to tap out for the rest of the day because I have physically and mentally drained myself by talking to my self the entire drive. I grip the steering wheel so hard as if I am holding the car together and if I let go it will all fall apart; my entire body tenses up. Once I get out of the car, it feels like I’ve been working out for hours and my hands start to shake. Every single time I get out of that car I ask myself “But did you die though?” Because it’s reassurance that I made it and I need to stop being so hard on myself. It’s still a struggle to get behind the wheel, but a little Beyonce makes everything better.

Do you want to know what also sucks? Thinking the people you care about don’t want anything to do with you, so you choose not to reach out to them until you feel like it’s the right time. Or wanting to be invited out to events with friends, but not having the energy to go because the thought of going means having to find something to wear and having to converse with people. I love going out talking to new people and just having a good time, it’s just getting there and removing those toxic thoughts out of my mind. Over the past year and some change, I have grown some tough skin and I have been talking to myself daily; words of affirmation really works. Sometimes you have to talk to yourself in your own love language. Loving myself and telling myself everything is okay when I am doing great almost always get me through my anxiety attacks. Living with anxiety is like living in fear every single day of my life, I’m always thinking ahead to avoid any obstacles. It’s so exhausting, which is why I take time to myself these days; so much self-love is needed. Take care of yourself first and you might not even have to worry later; you’ll be prepared. Meditate and breathe.