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Happy Mind, Happy Life

Image result for beautiful mind painting https://valeriedowdy.ezzl.art/Beautiful art by http://Valeriedowdy.com

Today it took you until 3pm to get up and actually get your day started or to get out of bed. Congratulations, at least you made it that far. We need to give ourselves credit for the tasks we find difficult to complete. I also encourage you to write down those accomplishments and how it made you feel after defeating them. I haven’t written or completed anything in two months and it was beating me up inside. Every day I’ve been telling myself I won’t be successful with the rate that I’m going, but ultimately I’m setting myself up for failure because of the toxic thoughts. I know writing takes time and I really don’t want to put out bad content. So instead of beating myself any more than I already have, I will reward myself after completing this. Anything I put out that I expect people to grow and learn from I automatically appreciate it. I believe the tool is to love what you do, put in the effort and the rest will come. You may not be perfect, but acknowledging your bad habit is a great start to a happy beginning. Give yourself credit where it is due and take your time.

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Veil

Veil

You pretend there isn’t a storm

Nothing to protect you from the rain and hail

You walk barefoot in the alley

Glass hidden in the cracks of the pavement

Penetrating the soles of your feet

You never complained

You took on the ocean

You never swam in anything deeper than 5ft

Yet you rode waves

shaping your own reality

Living freely

You never feared a thing

You said it never existed

It was all an illusion

I found your diary

Your fears were hidden in thin pages

Wrinkles on each

Written in cursive

Numbered

I was number one

Inhuman

Inhuman

Stuck in the belly of something inhuman

Drowning me in its emptiness

Voices fill my auricle

Now my mind is infested with fear

Fear of leaving myself behind

No knowledge of time

Or measurement of love

Poison consumed to cope with the darkness

My mind is now a prison

Unable to reach any depth

Vision is blurred

Shedding the images of self worth

Words cut like chains; ripping through my soul

I fight back with fire

Smoke filling my lungs

In hopes of keeping me numb for as long as I am here

Swallowed, but I have made it my home

I am in human

The Art of Letting Go

The Art of Letting Go

Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself. I’ve begun to acknowledge the words I put into the universe; it always seems to come back 10x depending on what you put out. I’ve been extremely vulnerable these past few months and it’s taken me back a bit. I’m so raw and honest about my emotions and my position in life right now that I feel as though people are walking away. It’s really sad because I care for these people so much, but the reciprocation is nonexistent. I love and care for myself as well as them so much that I am allowing these beings to be set free from me. It hurts to see them slowing disappearing, but I know it is vital that I let go. In order for me to continue flourishing, I must do what feels right for all parties. Letting go and evolving into the woman I hope to be. Love yourself endlessly so that no one else feels they have to.

Living with Anxiety

Living with Anxiety

Living with anxiety is like being disheveled in the grocery store line when the cashier hands you your change because you fear you’re taking too long. So instead of taking a breather and relax; I drop all of the coins on the floor trying to juggle the receipt, the coins, and my ten dollar bill.┬áLiving with anxiety is like crawling into bed and finally closing your eyes, but then the thought of your baby sister falling out of a window and you find yourself crying because it felt incredibly real. This happens to me a lot actually and it really sucks; sometimes I have to take drugs (sleeping medicine) to get myself to sleep when those days sneak up on me. The fear of driving because there are┬ápeople watching you and waiting for you to fail, but you tell yourself to stay strong. Driving used to exhaust me to the point where I literally have to tap out for the rest of the day because I have physically and mentally drained myself by talking to my self the entire drive. I grip the steering wheel so hard as if I am holding the car together and if I let go it will all fall apart; my entire body tenses up. Once I get out of the car, it feels like I’ve been working out for hours and my hands start to shake. Every single time I get out of that car I ask myself “But did you die though?” Because it’s reassurance that I made it and I need to stop being so hard on myself. It’s still a struggle to get behind the wheel, but a little Beyonce makes everything better.

Do you want to know what also sucks? Thinking the people you care about don’t want anything to do with you, so you choose not to reach out to them until you feel like it’s the right time. Or wanting to be invited out to events with friends, but not having the energy to go because the thought of going means having to find something to wear and having to converse with people. I love going out talking to new people and just having a good time, it’s just getting there and removing those toxic thoughts out of my mind. Over the past year and some change, I have grown some tough skin and I have been talking to myself daily; words of affirmation really works. Sometimes you have to talk to yourself in your own love language. Loving myself and telling myself everything is okay when I am doing great almost always get me through my anxiety attacks. Living with anxiety is like living in fear every single day of my life, I’m always thinking ahead to avoid any obstacles. It’s so exhausting, which is why I take time to myself these days; so much self-love is needed. Take care of yourself first and you might not even have to worry later; you’ll be prepared. Meditate and breathe.